Monday, May 17, 2010

Sunshine, at last

Week 1 has officially ended; my second Tuesday has begun (as of 30 minutes ago) and already I am preparing for the day ahead (a classical monologue workshop, followed by a few hours in the scene shop and R&J rehearsal are on special today). This past week has floated by; not because of any sort of slack in my workload, but simply because I'm feeling very restful here, and finding my way into myself again (I hope that makes sense. Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'll clarify).

I'm very happy to be a part of the company at Riverside Theatre. I feel completely engaged in the rehearsal/artistic/collaborative process of this theatre's summer festival, and already I am learning myriad valuable lessons from my new colleagues. On Sunday during the intern production rehearsal, I was thinking about this group of 8 young actors I have the privilege to learn and perform with this summer. - Okay, first, they made me think about the students at Parkside I've been working with. Over the past two years, I have worked side-by-side with the same group of artists in a familiar environment, processing new information and its application to myself as a human and an artist and, furthermore, attempting to open myself as an individual to these people. Two years, and at times I still find it hard to be as openly expressive as I feel capable of being; two years, and although I'm comfortable at Parkside, there are still parts of myself as a performer - as a human - that are difficult to connect to and feel safe enough to expose to those around me. And now I find myself in a new city, faced with this same challenge, but with different peers in an alien setting (and only a few weeks to find and embrace that comfortability that is so necessary to the execution of this craft). I watch the acting company during R&J rehearsals and I am amazed by their abilities to be unabashedly open with their emotions; on stage they play and connect and effect each other almost instantaneously. There is an unspoken agreement amongst them all that, whether they succeed or fail, the aim is to believe in one's own power of humanity and ignite passion between us all.

How brave a thing it is to be human and, beyond that, to reach out to others knowing full well that all might be for naught.

I wrote once about the difference between being vulnerable and becoming receptive. Now, this summer, is the time to put my perceptions of these ideas into play and step out of my comfort zone to be open and receptive, but also to give myself wholly to others around me. The last seven days have been pleasant and enlightening - I have observed new things and taken note, but I have yet to put these acknowledged insights into action and advance myself actively in my pursuit of performance skill and understanding.

I've been journaling a lot in this past week, and it's been good for me. I write about myself, about the play, and other things as well. Every fiber of my being is bent on absorbing every moment I experience here, and I am determined to glean as much knowledge from these fleeting instances as possible.

I look forward to this week; more challenges, and more opportunities to push the boundaries of my experiences and learn a bit more about my abilities. It really is now or never, after all.

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